Who's Winning the 87 Tanking Race?

[the goat]

Normally, the goal of a professional sports team is to win as many games as possible and the championship. But for some teams, the road to success starts with a quick(?) journey through basketball hell. Some of these teams are already strategically losing, but others could be more strategic about losing. (Team records as of SIM 6)

Charlotte Hornets
2 - 25
Tank Rating: S

The Hornets took advantage of an injury to their best player, David Greenwood, to pull ahead in the tanking race ahead of other preseason favorites. Take notes, because this is how you lose. The Hornets are 0-10 in their last 10 games, and a league-worst 1-11 at home. The unfortunate fans who bought season tickets must be longing for the good old days.

Orlando Magic
3 - 22
Tank Rating: A-

Honestly, the Magic should feel lucky that teams can't be relegated in DASL. After striking out with over 30 million dollars in cap space in free agency, the Magic were in prime position to lock up the worst record. But it looks like they have some serious competition. Their fans better pray hard for the lottery gods to take pity on them.

Los Angeles Clippers
5 - 25
Tank Rating: A

Sure, the team could be winning less, but at least the youngsters are getting some burn. Tank Commander Darrel Walker is averaging a massive 5 turnovers per game, which is good for number 1 in the league. If I were the GM, I'd be slipping the coach a few stacks of Benjamins to play Walker 40 minutes a game.

Seattle SuperSonics
8 - 17
Tank Rating: C+

The Sonics are so good at tanking that I overlooked them the first time. Although they would be better off if they didn't play so much defense. Phil Ford? You gotta go. Sly Williams? Go ply your trade elsewhere. Now that Wayman Tisdale is gone, the youth movement in Seattle is (back) in full swing. But if they want another top 5 pick, being top 10 in the fewest points allowed per game just won't cut it.

Milwaukee Bucks
8 - 20
Tank Rating: B-

The Bucks are being outscored by almost 13 points per game, but you wouldn't know it looking at their team record. Hey Dell, it's okay to miss a few more threes here and there. The solution? Let Dennis Rodman practice his sharpshooter skills. Everyone else on the team is already bombing away from deep, so why not Dennis?

Washington Bullets
8 - 19
Tank Rating: B

The Bullets hastily traded away the only good player on the team besides Daugherty, which has certainly improved their chances. But if the Bullets want to unlock their full lottery potential, they may need to experiment with their lineups. A Spud Webb and Muggsy Bogues backcourt is obviously the best option going forward.

Atlanta Hawks
9 - 17
Tank Rating: A

Most analysts would have pegged the Hawks as a solid playoff contender, but an extra-long preseason for their two stars has led to a very slow start. The Hawks still have time to turn their season around, but it's never too early to trot out Manute Bol for 45 minutes a game. Let's see if he's got any guard skills. Let's go, point Bol!

Dallas Mavericks
11 - 18
Tank Rating: A

The Mavs brought back the same team (minus Bernard King) from last year's squad that almost reached the conference finals, but the sequel has been underwhelming. If the Mavs want to catch up with the likes of the Bucks and Bullets, they'd better slather Patrick Ewing's hands in butter before every game.

Phoenix Suns
10 - 16
Tank Rating: C

Somehow, the Suns are a stone skip away from the 8th seed. I guess the Suns are just too competent to join the elite tanks. On the bright side, Kenny Smith is hocking up 4.2 turnovers a game, which has kept the Suns competitive in the loss column. Now if someone could just tell contract year Alton Lister to take it down a notch!

Boston Celtics
10 - 13
Tank Rating: B+

The Celtics probably won't be on this list for too long, since Byron Scott and Kevin McHale are good at basketball. Giving more post-up looks to Benoit Benjamin is always an option if the Celtics feel like they're too competitive. But honestly, unless the Monstars come for the Celtics, they'll never maintain their spot on this prestigious list.

Minnesota Timberwolves
12 - 15
Tank Rating: C

The Wolves look fully devoted in their quest for a valiant first-round exit, but one has to think, what if they devoted that energy towards winning slightly fewer games? Shipping out old players that can actually dribble and score the basketball would be a big first step. Giving young Pippen the ball a lot more would also help the Wolves reach the next level.

[Cellar-door]

Sadly I'm going to fall in this.
I'm 1-0 with Greenwood and 1-25 without. He's going to win me games

[offtheheezy]

Wolves & Celtics have no incentive for losing since neither of them have their 1sts

[the goat]

Wolves & Celtics have no incentive for losing since neither of them have their 1sts

Spurs and Warriors are in prime position to get on this list

[vincent1469]

Damn no love lol

[lukeyrid13]

Is manute Bol PG eligible?

Please make that happen lol

[UOducksTK1]

We’re not trying to tank but we’re doing a good job at it!

[Craig]

We’re not trying to tank but we’re doing a good job at it!

Does that warrant a good grade or a bad grade?

[Oregon Ownage]

We’re not trying to tank but we’re doing a good job at it!

Does that warrant a good grade or a bad grade?

Its the best kind of tank but without a first its not good

[Cellar-door]

We’re not trying to tank but we’re doing a good job at it!

Does that warrant a good grade or a bad grade?

Its the best kind of tank but without a first its not good

It's early though, he's only 3 games out of the 6 seed, and he has the assets to make a move for another efficient scorer which would help a lot.

[lukeyrid13]

I can vouch that the Celtics have inquired on Freeman who would be perfect for them....but is also perfect for me so I don’t want to trade him

[Foxyg1396]

I can vouch that the Celtics have inquired on Freeman who would be perfect for them....but is also perfect for me so I don’t want to trade him

They’ve also attempted for Barkley. They aren’t trying to lose

[offtheheezy]

I can vouch that the Celtics have inquired on Freeman who would be perfect for them....but is also perfect for me so I don’t want to trade him

They’ve also attempted for Barkley. They aren’t trying to lose

No attempts here None of my players are good enough

[the goat]

Damn no love lol

Oops

[FlDuckFan]

Orlando Magic
3 - 22
Tank Rating: A-

Honestly, the Magic should feel lucky that teams can't be relegated in DASL. After striking out with over 30 million dollars in cap space in free agency, the Magic were in prime position to lock up the worst record. But it looks like they have some serious competition. Their fans better pray hard for the lottery gods to take pity on them.

Listen there were good offers made, people just don't find Orlando an attractive place to live yet. We've also got a weekly sacrifice to the lottery gods every Thursday.